Mr. Burgess Hanson
City Manager, Deerfield Beach
As I’m sure you’ve been closely following the calendar, you’ll have just realized that we’re about halfway to Festivus 2015!
Oh, can’t you just smell the Feats of Strength? At first, did you think it was Jean Robb (you know … the aroma of really old political festering hacks perhaps soon to be criminally indicted) … but then realized it was just the charged atmosphere from pondering the upcoming Airing of Grievances.
This year, in celebration of US Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same-sex marriages across the nation, each of our Festivus Poles will be swaddled (no silly, not like the plastic Baby Jesus) with the colors of the gay-pride rainbow.
To that extent, we’ve requested permission from the State of Florida, many local communities, and have also begun discussions with folks in DC … as quite obviously, the nation’s capitol hasn’t had a good erection since President Bill Clinton left office.
Here in town, we’d like permission to wrap our pole, our 2015 Deerfield Beach Festivus Pole, our Deerfield Beach pole, the hometown for the nationwide Beer Can Festivus Pole movement, the place where all such erections began, the place you and I call home … we’d like to bathe that erect pole in the colors of diversity, of acceptance, of pride to be an inclusive nation.
We’d do our best to match the magenta color in the pole to the color of Robb’s mug.
And, if you’re so inclined, it would be our absolute pleasure to hand-craft a pole for your office … we’ll leave the erection to you, and your staff.
All the best to you Sir.